Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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