I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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