i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
