You just made me feel so damn special
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
