K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
