i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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