my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Drake has all the answers
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
