we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
