Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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