i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
