I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whoreâ€. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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