i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize