K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
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Banned from zoo.
Again?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
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Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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