You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
