My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
