Michael Bay diarrhea
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
