Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
