You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
