A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
