she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
