I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
