Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
