Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
