i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
