Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
