fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
