Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
