Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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