The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
