Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
