Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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