I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I didn't notice because vodka
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
