I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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