as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
