did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
