I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize