i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
