she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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