needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
