I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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