Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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