At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
