I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
