I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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