So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
