We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
