I'm going to rape someone's good day.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
