You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dignity is for republicans.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Congratulations! We have a period
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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