Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
