dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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