Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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