Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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