I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
