ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
