Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
