I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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