Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
