he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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