She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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