i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
