From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
