I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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