Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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