mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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