im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
