If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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