Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
