im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
